I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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