I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
