when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
