I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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