We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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