We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
