I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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