i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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