when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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