Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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