So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
