At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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