i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
