You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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