I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I am morally bankrupt
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
