I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
