do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
