to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
