Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
