K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
