We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
