I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
