happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
