we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
