I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
