Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
