just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
