please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
