just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
