I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
