ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
