is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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