just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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