I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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