Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
