i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
