dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
