didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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