yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Randomize
