just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
