No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
