Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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