You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
