I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
