i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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