this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
