are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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