2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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