I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
