It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
