you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
