dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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