You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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